“Goodnight Little One”


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It was a confusing moment
When I first found out about your existence
I didn’t know what to think or how to act
But somewhere inside me
I was extremely happy to have had you
The joy I felt was unexplainable
And when I could finally see that little beat from you
I became more aware of your existence
Was I about to create a new life to this world?
You were gradually becoming the center of my thoughts
Every minute of the day
I longed so bad to hold you in my arms
And look into your beautiful eyes with tears of joy

But all that was cut short
In the blink of an eye
You were weak and dying by my watch
I had no idea how it all happened
I didn’t know what to think or do
But I was keen on saving you anyhow I could
I was ready to bear the pain for you to be okay and be born to this world
I could give up my own life for your sake

When I finally had that last push
I knew I had lost you
I heard no sign of life from you
Yet, I was numb to the pain for a minute
As I stared at your sleeping eyes
The cold breeze around me
All I could feel was regret and sorrow
Why had this happened so fast?
Why couldn’t I have saved you instead of myself?
Was this the plan all along?
For you to come into my life and leave like that?

I could have sworn that I was dreaming that moment
I could not bear to watch the reality staring me in the face
You were all I ever wanted
You were the center of my joy and happiness
Where did I go wrong?
Why did I have to lose you after so long?
When I was just preparing to meet you

I know that tears will not bring you back to me
I know my words would not change the hands of time
But I want to say a heavenly prayer to you,  my little one
I know we never met on earth but you are somewhere in heaven watching me
I know I must be strong for those coming after you
I know I must move on so that I can live on
I know you can never be replaced no matter how many more come after you
I want you to know
That you will always be in my heart
You will always be my sun in a dark world
I will always love and keep your memory as though you were with me
You will forever live in my heart 

As I try to move onwards,
My prayer for you, my little one, is this:
“May the angels watch over you and keep you safe in heaven”
I choose to celebrate you as a gift and not mourn you as a loss
So, till we meet again… If we ever do… Until then… Goodnight little one.

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