“…..Not On The Defensive”


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I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do the things I did to you
I didnt mean to hurt you with the things I ought to have known
Didn’t know the pains I had caused
But for the day I looked in your eyes
A place I used to shine
Now the very place I do not exist anymore

Little did I know how much I had lost
Had no idea your heart was long gone from me
Couldn’t see how far I had pushed you
Couldn’t tell how hard I had hit you
Didn’t realize how much you were bleeding silently
I didn’t know these things

If only I had placed my heart in your embrace
If only I had understood what it meant to be truly yours
If only you had been my one and only
If only I had not rejoiced in my foolishness
I could have made you a lot happier
I would have been there every step of the way
I might have heard your tears at some point

It’s hard to say I’m sorry
When words are only as loud as they can be
Hard to show you how sober I am
When all I’ve ever done was to laugh and watch you leave in pain
It’s hard to see beyond my unfairness
If all I’ve ever done is disregard your tears

Given all of these things
Here I am
Not on the defensive for once
Not turning deaf ears to your feelings
But speaking straight from my heart
Here I am
On bended knees
Asking for your complete forgiveness

I’m not worth a dime without you
I feel like I do not exist without you being my pride
None of this would ever make any sense
If my heart hadn’t been sore from emptiness
This time I’ll prove to you
I can be better than you’ve ever known of me
All I ask
Is the chance to shine in your eyes again
Sorry is all I can say
Would you please forgive my imperfection?

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